i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
