I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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