I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
