he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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