Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
