I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize