tell your sister to shave her snatch
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
