if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
