He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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