please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
