Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize