I feel like I'm in dance class right now
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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