you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
