you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
