And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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