I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
