Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
