This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
