It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
