i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
