u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
