Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
50% drunk capacity currently
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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