We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
