My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
