Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
