So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
