The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
