Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This baby is an asshole
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Randomize