we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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