I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
