I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
