And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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