Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
