people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize