I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
