It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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