big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
