You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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