Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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