Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
