I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just found a bag of teeth...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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