It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just googled if crying burns calories
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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