I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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