Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
