I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
