Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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