Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
