the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
