Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
