Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I deserve to be covered in dicks
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
