id be glad to
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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