I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
