$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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