stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
