Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
