If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
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