My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
