So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
