he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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