I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just gift wrapped bread.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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