There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
