so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
