we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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