Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
