I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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