i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
