Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
