There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
